Every human being desire to love and be loved. Everyone wanted to be cared and valued. Without love, life is meaningless and void, the world will be in chaos. Therefore love is the most powerful thing in this world, for peace and unity in the family, in humanity and in the universe.
Man and woman are excited in the beginning of a relationship and expecting to have a lasting love base on their mutual feelings and emotions, eventually, they decided to tied up the knot in marriage. The first few years both are happy and enjoying each other being together as if they own the whole world and nobody exist but only the two of them. But after 2-3 years most of the married couple who ended up with divorce confessed that their love to their spouse gradually subsided until it was completely no love at all as they said. The reason behind this is that being in-love is different from true love. It is very important that we should determine the distinction between the emotions of in-love and true love in order to have a successful marriage relationship. The IN-LOVE factor is something you feel the first time you meet each other, you get attracted to that person and you have this feeling that you cannot stop thinking about that person. In other words, it is an emotional feeling, it is automatic and effortless. And this feeling of being in-love only lasted for 2-3 years. On the other hand, TRUE LOVE requires effort, it is not just an emotion or feelings, it requires commitment and acceptance of the person you already tied the knot. Marriage is sacred. Whatever happen since you already decided and choose each other to live together you will do whatever it takes in order for that marriage to work out.
While love is a many- splendored thing, it is sometimes a very confusing thing, too. And as people come in all varieties, shapes, and sizes, so do their choices of personal expressions of love. But more often than not, the giver and the receiver express love in two or more different ways. This can lead to misunderstanding, quarrels, and even divorce. Every couple who decided to get married I believe wanted their love continues to grow and have spark along the way in their relationship, but not everyone knows the secret of a lasting romance that’s why most of them ended in separation.
In the book “The Five Love Language” by Dr. Gary Chapman you will learn that every person has an Emotional “Love Tank“. When this love tank is filled, one person feels happy and satisfied in the relationship, therefore she/he will reciprocate and will be able to give and share love to her/his partner. But on the other hand when the love tank is left unfilled it will gradually get drained and feels empty and then one person started to find somebody who can fulfil his emotional needs and filled his love tank.
Learning the five ways how people speak and understand emotional love is the secret of a happy successful relationship between husband and wife, parents and children even with our relationship to other people.
Even for a married couple whose marriage is on the rock, if they learn this different love language and know how to support his/her spouse emotional needs their marriage will be saved and strengthened.
“Faith, Hope and Love. But the greatest of these is LOVE” – 1 Corinthians 13:3
The Five Love Language
Praise and compliments are very important to every person., it is not only saying ” I love you” but also giving compliments and praise to your spouse. Like for example if your spouse looks so handsome, say it to him so at least it will boost his confidence and brighten his day and vice versa. Appreciation even with the simplest act of kindness of your partner by saying “Thank you” when he washed the dishes or throw the garbage can strengthen your bond. A kind and soft words when talking to each other and avoiding painful words when there is some argument between the two of you, this shows respect and love to your partner even to your children when you are dealing with them. Some people the word of affirmation is their first love language. So words of affirmation and appreciation are what they are seeking and top need from their partner.
Quality time is spending time with your spouse on a daily routine. Talking to your spouse intimately, not while watching TV or busy doing with some project at home but without any distraction. Especially if your partner is a plain housewife when you husband arrived home, you have at least ask your wife how’s her day and vice versa. Both should be focus and listen to your partner predicament, this makes her/him feel you care and have sympathy for your partner’s feelings. You can also talk with each other on quality time the goal and dreams for your family or vacation plan.
In some culture we were raised that the woman is the only person who is doing all the household chores and the husband is going to a paid job to support the family. But in this modern generation, there’s a lot of women who are also already working to help her husband to support their family financial needs. There’s nothing wrong with it. But when it comes to the house, both should help each other to accomplish the task. But even if your spouse is a plain housewife, the husband should lend his hand with the household chores because your wife is also wishing you would help her especially if you already have children, she also gets tired doing all the housework and taking care of the family. When you are doing the household chores together, this can also a great bonding between the two of you.
I believe you know that some people they love receiving gifts but some they just don’t care. It is because some people receiving gifts is not their first love language while in others it is their first love language. When she received gifts she feels that her partner remember her through gifts and she feel loved by her spouse.
Holding hands while walking, giving your spouse a soft massage at home or embracing him and other physical intimacy sometimes this is the first priority of one person, without these and not meeting his emotional needs he feels unloved and started looking for someone who can fulfil his emotional needs. Human is wired to feel cared with physical touch, even a baby they feel loved with caress of their mother.
SUMMARY & CONCLUSION
The secret of a sustainable and lasting marriage relationship is knowing your spouse primary love language (You might have different love language) and then, willingness support to meet your spouse emotional needs. If receiving gifts is your wife first love language, buy something else for her, it doesn’t matter if it is expensive or not what matters is you are thinking of her through giving gifts. You can also be creative sometimes and no need to buy, you can just pick flowers from the garden and give it to her. Even if you don’t feel doing it, you will do it just to meet the emotional needs of your wife. Likewise when it comes to meeting the emotional needs of a husband, if his primary love language is words of affirmation but the wife is not verbal and showy with her affection, she should start to change and do it in order to meet the emotional needs of her spouse.
A lasting marriage relationship is always giving priority to your partner’s needs. It is not self- centred rather it is selfless, you are more concerned that you do your job to meet your partner’s emotional needs and then eventually that love and care will be reciprocated by your partner, because when one person’s love tank is filled there’s no other way but to share it with you back.
“Therefore whatever you desire for men to do to you, you shall also do to them ” – Matthew 7:12
Thank you for reading. Have a great day. 🙂
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